Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist

There are so many problems with the word perfect, the standard of perfectionism, and the life of a perfectionist. To reach for perfectionism is one of the most unattainable, disappointing, and heart breaking standards out there. It leaves us empty handed and let down. You see, for a perfectionist, nothing, and I mean nothing will ever be good enough.

I say these things only because I’ve been there. I’ve been in those painful moments where my best work just doesn’t seem to measure up to my own ridiculously high standards. Rather than appreciating hard work and stepping back to admire a job well done, we perfectionists nit-pick at all the little details that were wrong.

It’s been on my heart lately to share this story of mine. I grew up in a household where my parents were always proud of my accomplishments and my brothers were always there to cheer me on, but for whatever reason, anything I did was never good enough for me. I was always pushing for more, always striving to do better, always reaching higher, craving a standard that was absolutely unreachable. To have this kind of attitude as a kid goes by mostly unnoticed as it is often mistaken as a strong work ethic and a humble heart. But internally, it destroys us. To never fully recognize our accomplishments or celebrate our successes is devastating.

This attitude has spilled over into so many different areas of my life. Whether is be sports, school, jobs, or even relationships, the reach for perfectionism always left me feeling like I needed to try even harder because what I was doing just wasn’t working and definitely wasn’t good enough.

A while back, my life changed drastically as the weight of striving for perfectionism became too heavy to bear anymore. I was tired of trying to live up to a standard that I knew I would never reach. I was tired of beating myself up over the smallest details. I was just tired of it all.

So, that day, my message to perfectionism was this: I QUIT.

I realized that day that my human attempt at perfectionism would always fall short because I was not meant to be perfect. I was meant to live a messy life full of mistakes and failures. And only by the grace and the sweetness of The Lord, I let this truth soak in to every part of my life. See, the truth is, Jesus Christ is the only one who has ever been perfect. And while I strive to be more like Jesus every single day, I now know and understand that I will fall short every day, but His patience and grace for me is unending.

I can now confidently laugh in the face of my worldly attempts at perfectionism as I have learned to reach for something else worth grabbing onto, God. Sure, I have my days where I wish I would have worked harder on a project at work, or nights where I try on 7 different outfits before I settle on the right one, or moments where I feel like I need my hair to be perfectly coiffed…but I’ve come to learn that my happiest days are the days where my hair is wild, my makeup is imperfect, my outfit doesn’t match, but my heart is full because the chains of perfectionism no longer bind me and I can accept who I really am; a restless adventurer, a wild child at heart and an an imperfect and loved daughter of God.