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Category: Adventure
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Never Say Never
[No, this is not an ode to the Justin Bieber. (But really….what happened to the Biebs?) Anyway, honestly, when I first started writing this post….I thought I was going to be writing about all of the joys of the first year of marriage and life in North Dakota. Heck, I don’t even know if any of this makes sense or if my title is even relevant….#wordvomit. But it’s funny how sometimes God just takes over and pushes our hearts and words in a different, but better direction. Plus….it was time I shared a little bit more about why I’ve been basically MIA from this blog for so long. So here’s to hoping you find a little sliver of hope & encouragement here.]
It’s pretty amazing all that can happen in a year. A little over a year ago, I was packing up my little apartment in Seattle, planning the last-minute details of a wedding, finalizing dress fittings and preparing for my world to be completely overturned (in the best way) by all of the things that were about to change; my last name, my zip code & my heart. Now, as I sit at home in my cozy apartment just outside Fargo, North Dakota….I can’t help but realize that really nothing about my life looks the same as it used to. And y’all, that’s a great thing. Some days, it’s a hard thing, but really most days, it’s a wonderful, incredible, amazing thing.If you would’ve told me four years ago that I’d be living in North Dakota, married, with a husband in grad school, I would have likely had a big ‘ol laugh in your face. As a West Coast girl through and through the thought of living in the Midwest would have just seemed straight up laughable. But if you’ve followed along this crazy journey I’ve been on over the last few years, you might remember that so far, I’ve lived in every single place I ever said I wouldn’t ever live in. Yep. Back to Washington? Check. Montana? Check. North Dakota? Check and check. I’ve started to really realize that it’s a pretty dangerous thing for me to use the word “never.”
But that’s the BEST part…God has used all of my “no’s and turned them into “yes’s” and used them in a profound way to deeply impact my life and grow me as a person. Has it always felt good? Nope, nope & nope. But has it been worth it? Yes, always yes.
But that’s the thing about being obedient to the calling on our lives, sometimes it just hurts. And friends, I’m here to tell you that is so okay. In fact it’s more than okay. In the past year, I’ve learned so much about sacrifice, commitment and walking into, and through moments that were uncomfortable just by being obedient (sometimes begrudgingly) with my actions. It can be so easy to walk away when things get hard, or pack up your bags and move along when life gets boring. I’ve been there. I’ve been that girl that craved change and movement. Luckily, God used my missteps to write a beautiful story, but not without struggle. This year, though life was like one big tidal wave of change, in the middle of it all, it wasn’t always the change that I desired. But God kept me, He guided me, He rooted me in something greater than circumstances, people, places or things.
I’ll be honest with you, this year has been no walk in the park. It’s been trying, humbling, frustrating and just plain hard at times. It’s been sleepless nights, buckets of tears, loneliness & hard times. (Stick with me….the light is coming.) So why do I share this? Because friends, it is so, so, so easy to think that everyone else has it all together when we feel like we’re crumbling inside. It’s so easy to look at other people’s lives and spin up a story about how much better things are for them. (Been there, done that.) But most of the time, this is never the reality of it all.I spent a lot of this year feeling so stupid for struggling. This was supposed to be the best year of my life! Newlywed! Finally in the same place as the one I love! Don’t get me wrong, it was an amazing year full of such sweet moments, but dangit, it was wayyyyy harder than I ever could have anticipated.
I like to think that I’m a strong person, but this year, I never felt weaker. And honestly, part of this was marriage. It humbled me to a place of realizing that I couldn’t be so independent anymore and it brought me to my knees after realizing just how imperfect and weak I truly am. Whewwww, they sure don’t mention all that stuff in premarital counseling. Or maybe they did? (I’m working on that whole”listening better” thing….just ask my very sweet & very patient husband.
Friends, I share all of this and I hope it doesn’t make me sound like a Debby Downer. That is so far from what I’m after here. I love my husband deeply, I cherish this life that I am blessed with and I am so, so grateful for everything I have. But I’ve just gotta be real with y’all….life is tough! And I hope if nothing else, this encourages you that it’s okay to sometimes feel stuck in the difficult, trying and hard moments. It’s okay to struggle through life and feel just so imperfect. Because ya know what?You are perfectly imperfect and that is just the way God intended us all to be.
Without these difficult moments, I think we’d all be walking around completely self-sufficient, totally self-reliant and without even the slightest understanding of our need for Jesus. I think it can be so easy to coast through life feeling like we don’t desperately need Jesus, but it’s reality that slaps us into shape and makes us remember “oh hey, I need a savior like big time.” It’s those low moments that go undocumented on social media that push us into the arms of a good and loving Father.
I think that all of these changes in life over the last year pushed me out of a place of what had become self-sufficiency and into a place of realizing my major need for Jesus. Because without realizing that need, acknowledging it & walking into it with faith….life is kind of meaningless. (Disagree?? Check out Ecclesiastes & that might just change your mind. Solomon drops some serious truth bombs in there. Just make sure you read the whole book less you feel a bit discouraged after.)
Sweet, sweet friends. I pray that you would walk into whatever road is ahead of you, be it a road of deep suffering and struggle, or a road of great joy, a road of change and uncertainty, or a road of complete and utter surrender because God knows what He is doing.
So stay in your lane and walk into the calling you have received! I know it’s hard sometimes, but I promise, it is so, so worth it.
Sending love from up North,
All photos by Cottonwood Road Photography
Dress is from American Eagle
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A Different Kind of Adventure
I’m starting to feel like this blog is just one long episode of “where in the world is Lilly?” It seems like each time I get a chance to sit down and write, I’m in a new state. Well, this time is no exception…
If you would have told me a year ago that today I would be living in North Dakota with my husband, jobless and obsessing over cornfields and sunflowers, I would have rolled my eyes SO hard at you.
You see, at this time last year, I was establishing quite the home base in Seattle. I had my church, I had my people, I had just landed an awesome job, I moved into a gorgeous house with some girlfriends, I was climbing mountains every weekend, spending afternoons on the lake, planning exciting trips left and right; y’all things were good.
Ok hit the brakes — the love of my life was in North Dakota. So why the heck was I in Seattle!? Well that my friends, is a story for another time. But what I’m trying to tell you is that in that moment I would have scoffed at the idea of living anywhere other than a place surrounded by mountains. Funny thing I’ve come to learn though is that God likes to take those “I will go anywhere but….” and give us a gentle little reminder of who is really in the drivers seat.
So even though I left North Dakota in quite the hurry a year and a half ago, it has welcomed me back with open arms, plenty of sunshine, endless fields of sunflowers and the sweetest place to call home. You see, I really never thought I’d be back here, surely this wasn’t in the plan, right God? But, the Lord, being rich in grace and mercy gave me a new set of eyes. Where I once saw nothing, I now see beauty. I see a promise. I see a future. I see a home.
The adventure sure does look different and I’m definitely re-reading my own “10 Lessons Learned from North Dakota” because y’all, it is windy as heck 98% of the time here, I may never wear a dress again due to said wind, my hair is a mess pretty much every day also due to said wind, the bugs are UNREAL, I’ve already heard a person say “oofda” twice this week and I legitimately saw a camouflage recliner in the furniture store last weekend. We are definitely not in Seattle anymore.
But despite the oddities of this new place we get to call home, I know this is exactly where we are supposed to be. Maybe just for now or maybe forever, for that we’ll just have to wait and see.
But if I have learned anything over this last year, it’s that the adventure will look different throughout our lives. It changes and evolves and grows. And for me right now, the adventure is establishing a new home, experiencing the joy of marriage, learning what it looks like to be a wife and trying to find a good bug spray. And though this adventure is different and likely won’t offer many snowcapped mountains or perfect Pacific Northwest sunsets, I really, really hope you’ll stick around and be a part of this journey as I learn to live and thrive in this new home.
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19
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Up Before the Sun
We’ve all seen them–those glorious light filled photos that pop up on our Instagram feed before we’ve even rolled out of bed. The mere thought of this early morning wake up call makes most of us cringe and pull our covers even tighter over our heads. But as golden colored clouds and sun flares greet us while we enjoy our first sip of coffee, it’s hard to not wonder what it would take to really just get out and do it.
Well, last Sunday my friend Sondra and I decided to stop envying other peoples early morning glory and experience it for ourselves. Sure, waking up at 3am never sounds like a great idea, but after a few week hiatus from hiking, a new pack to test out and the promise of coffee at the summit, I couldn’t have jumped out of bed any faster at the sound of my alarm clock.
After an hour on the freeway, groggily attempting to have meaningful conversations, we found ourselves on a bumpy, mountain road in search of our trailhead. After a little bit of uncertainty and the first peak of morning light, we threw our packs on and hit the trail, eager to make it to the top before the sun rose over the majestic peaks of the Cascades.
We were certain that the 1.6 mile trail would be an easy morning jaunt to the top. Sadly, we were absolutely wrong. I’m definitely embarrassed to admit how hard it really was. I’ll blame the early morning, lack of coffee, hunger pains, oh and the 1,300 feet of elevation gain.
After what seemed like 536 switchbacks, the trees cleared and we saw–fog. At this point I’m really hoping I didn’t just sweat through an entire fleece jacket for fog. Well, it turned out to be the best thing possible.
After reaching the summit, we were greeted by some other early morning hikers, sipping on beer and mimosas, good choice guys–but I’ll stick with my morning coffee, thanks.
What ensued was the most glorious, foggy, sun ray filled sunrise I’ve ever seen. Mount Catherine, you did not disappoint. Oh and the 3am wake up call? Totally worth it.
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Wandering with Purpose
Well, it’s been a while.
My whole life looks completely different than it did only a few short weeks ago. Because, well, I moved…yep, again.
This time, I’ve landed back to where it all began, well sort of. About a month ago, I packed up my car with as much as I could cram into it and hit the open road. About 18 hours and a thousand or so miles later, I found myself back in the great state of Washington surrounded by tall trees, snow-capped mountains and a forecast full of a whole lot of liquid sunshine.
So what turned this surf seeking, beach loving, California girl into an umbrella toting (just kidding, I refuse to carry an umbrella) puddle hopping, mountain climbing, Washingtonian? Well, after a few months of wandering, I decided it was time to plant my feet somewhere for a while.
If you’ve followed along with my zig-zag of a journey over the past year, you’ll know that I’ve done a whole lot of traveling, searching, exploring, back and forth, here and there….California to Montana to North Dakota, back to California and then on to Washington.
The adventure was amazing but after the excitement wore off, I was left plain dizzy from it all. Trying to remember what zip code I lived in or what time zone I was actually in was hard. You may laugh, but I’m not even kidding. To not feel at home wherever you go was a very hard thing to deal with, especially considering it was 100% by my own doing.
Now, I’ve been called a lot of things throughout this whole process; a vagabond, a gypsy (thanks Mom?), an adventurer, a wanderer, a brave soul, and sometimes, just plain stupid. And to each their own, but one thing I realized recently is that though I may have seemed to wander aimlessly over the last year, I know in my heart of hearts that I was wandering with a purpose. I know that the Lord did not send me on this broken path full of uphill battles and tears for nothing. Things may have gone differently than I could have ever expected but I know that I live for a God who is always good and knows what I need better than I ever could. In this season of life, He has made a way for me through mountains and deserts and valleys (quite literally) to bring me to a place where I can fully realize my dreams and walk towards the plans He has for my life, because I know they have got to be something simply, amazing.
Now, I’m not saying that I have “arrived” because believe me, I know there is a lot of journeying left, but something about the here and now just feels right. And for a girl who has lived in four different states in the last year, that’s saying something. So cheers to this moment, to finding joy in this roller coaster adventure, to seeking new opportunities and to trusting in an all-knowing, ever powerful God.
I dare you to realize that this journey you’re on is a path laid out before you by the one who loves you. I challenge you to see the wandering with a new set of eyes, to realize that we are all wandering with a greater purpose. I encourage you to trust the direction you are headed in and seek joy in each and every moment, big or small, because mountains and molehills matter.
So, wander on ;)
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2014: A Cowboy, 19 States, and a Grand Adventure
Ok, so I’m a little late on the whole 2014 recap. But better late than never, right?
At the beginning of last year, I made a big promise to myself; adventure more, worry less, and floss. Well here I am, in the front end of 2015 and I have successfully fulfilled two-thirds of my promise to myself. Apologies in advance to my dentist.
2014 showed me that life doesn’t really get easier as we get older, it’s actually quite the opposite…but as we get older, and life seemingly gets harder, it also gets so much richer. This was the year that I said yes to every adventure that I could, tried new things, failed a few times, but ultimately came out unscathed and with a greater passion for life.
This was the year that started with a bang when a handsome fella in cowboy boots with the sweetest southern twang turned around one day at church to say hello. From the first time we two-stepped and he spun me around until I was dizzy, I knew I would fall head over heels for this adventurous, Texas charmer.
If I thought I was adventurous and daring, my cowboy was that times ten. Thus began a year of squeezing every bit of adventure out of life that I could with my newfound adventure buddy by my side. A year of growing pains and moving, a lot. A year of the highest highs and the lowest lows. A year of falling in like and then learning what it really is to fall in love. A year of seeing what it really means to live by faith and a year of realizing that sometimes God takes us to the places we swore we’d never go.
We’ll start with Montana. I had no intention of leaving California, like ever. I was perfectly content with the idea of living a life of perpetually salty and sunburned skin in search of the perfect waves and the most epic sunsets. But, low and behold, I left my safe and secure job at a big-time marketing company for an opportunity to put my social media and writing skills to good use at a Christian non-profit architecture firm.
I widdled down my stuff to fit in a few suitcases, threw the rest in a storage locker and set out for the Montana Rockies. What ensued was a summer of climbing mountains, swimming in glacial lakes, and eating more s’mores than any one person should ever consume, all while working an 8-5 job on the side. Read the rest of my Montana story here, here, here and here. (Spoiler alert: it was a pretty rad adventure.)
By the end of the summer, I was once again packing my bags and saying my goodbyes as I hopped on a train headed towards North Dakota. Despite what many may think, people actually do live there. It’s not all oil fields and frozen ground, but a place full of breathtaking vistas, lush river valleys, and people with a deep pride for where they come from.
I learned a lot during my time in North Dakota. About myself, about working at a startup, and about wind-chill…enough said. It wasn’t an easy time, but it showed me that adventure isn’t something that can only be found while climbing epic mountains or riding that perfect wave on your perfectly waxed longboard, it’s something we truly find in ourselves.
After a few too many below zero days and a pretty nasty bout of homesickness, I hopped on a plane bound for Christmas in California. One glance at the beach to the west and the mountains to the east and I knew I wasn’t heading back to good ‘ol North Dakota anytime soon.
I must say, it was quite the year. I moved five times, lived in three different states, traveled over 20,000 miles, visited 19 states, watched my bank account hit zero a few too many times, but, most importantly, I kept my promise to myself. I adventured more and worried less, and that is my biggest accomplishment yet. So, as I soak up the endless rays of winter sunshine, trying to get my tan back while I defrost…the adventure begins again.
So, what’s next in 2015? I’ll honestly say, I have no idea what kind of wild ride is in store for this new year. If it’s anything like 2014…I know it will be a year I never forget.
