Category: Faith

Well, it’s been a while. A month and a half of lots of ups, plenty of downs, some in-betweens, new adventures, endless to-do lists, a life abundant in change, and a heart lavished with blessings and joy.

And as I sit here, all I can really do is breathe and recognize that, God is good.

So much is overwhelming my heart right now. The joy of the Lord has never been so present in my life and for that, I am beyond grateful. There was a while where I felt like I had been robbed of my joy, like a thief had come in the night and just taken it. I ran after that stolen joy as fast as I could, but I could never quite catch up. I was always left in the dust, panting for air, hoping to find something around me to satisfy this so-called “loss.” Now, I won’t knock myself too hard here, but I was looking in the wrong places. I was holding onto too much of the life that I wanted, the life that I thought I should have, instead of submitting to the Lord’s will for my life.

But the harsh reality of this slapped me in the face pretty dang good and then pushed me into the sweet of embrace of our loving and gracious God. So, after months of battling a deep heartache that can’t even be described, I found myself in a position of completele submission. I took my hands off the wheel and trusted that I would not be forsaken.

For someone like me; the planner, the organizer, the thinker, the doer, letting go of all control should have been the biggest challenge. BUT, it proved to be the most wonderful, freeing, and joyful experiences. I was humbled and I was broken by this experience, but the peace and the joy that now follow me are so amazing, I find the experience indescribable.

During the many months of uncertainty, hopelessness, and messy heartache, I found my constant in this: “Blessed is she who believed that The Lord would fulfill His promises to her.” – Luke 1:45

What beautiful words to remind us that God wants to fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts, He longs to provide for his children in radical ways, He delights in our joy, and He loves us more than we could ever even begin to fathom.

I couldn’t even begin to list all of the blessings I have been showered with over the past month, but I will say, I am thankful. I am happy. What an indescribable joy so pure, it could only be considered a gracious gift from God.

Disclaimer: First off…this morning I woke up at 4am, travelled 1000 miles home to Washington state and now here I am trying to edit a blog post…so I hope my delirious and tired writing will be interesting for someone. Secondly friends, I’m writing about surfing, which well I am so NOT good at surfing. Of the 15 times I’ve ever gone, I think I’ve only actually caught a wave twice. BUT, I absolutely love love love to surf. It is probably one of my favorite things ever.

Anyway, yesterday I headed out and figured I would try my luck with short boarding….HA (please insert laughter here.) Needless to say, I didn’t catch a single wave and today my arms feel like they’re about to fall off, my ribs are sore, my forehead is completely sunburnt, and I’m totally exhausted, but it was still absolutely amazing. I think I’m still in the “honeymoon phase” of surfing, where even if the waves are terrible or I make a total fool of myself, I still have the best time.

Yesterday while I was surfing, I got absolutely thrashed. The waves were not even that big but I was a wreck. Taking a 6-month break from surfing really took a toll on this gals wimpy arms. I fought and I struggled and I felt completely beaten down just trying to paddle out past the break. As I was paddling, I felt like I was just getting destroyed by what I thought were “some really big waves”. But once I finally got out past the break, I laughed as I realized the waves were actually reeeeally small.

 As I sat out there on my board, the sun shining on my face, the salty air blowing through my tangled hair, and the waves gently crashing on shore, I realized how life and surfing are so similar. Now, I don’t want to lose you here with my cheesiness…but really, just hear me out. We spend so long trying to battle our circumstances and push through the difficult spots…when in all reality sometimes all we have to do is let go, sit back, and enjoy the beauty all around us and the magnitude of what we have accomplished. We spend so long paddling and paddling through the tough stuff that we forget to look back and realized that those waves we were fighting through, well they don’t look so bad one we get past their breaking point.

This realization is absolutely heart changing. The truth is that, God does not forsake us in these times of trouble, but rather He strengthens us to go through these troubled waters, with the promise to be right beside us the whole time. Though sometimes He may take us on a path that seems so long and so hard, when we get to where we’re going, we can look back and realize that these challenging times, these troubled days, these rugged waves we had to paddle through, they really weren’t so bad after all. And it is in this crazy moment that we can often find an unexplainable joy in our struggles…

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. —James 1:2-4

This morning I was looking through old journals from this summer and I stumbled across something I wrote in August that I shared on an old blog of mine, A Ray of Sunshine …as I read through my own words I felt like I was being reminded of the the sweet, carefree, and joyous spirit that I had this last summer. I miss that girl. I miss her adventurous spirit and her desire to submit to whatever the Lord has planned for her. I miss her constant laughter, her infectious smile, and her constant joy in even the simplest things.

I think through stressing out about jobs, money, and life in general, I have lost sight of that girl and all that she embodies. The crazy thing is, last summer was the most unstable and uncertain season I have ever experienced….and I’m not talking about the weather here people. I was unsure about jobs, my future, school, living situations, and so so so much more….but because of this, I clung to the Lord in a way that I never had before. Because of this, I was drawn so close to him and I was blessed with a truly amazing summer. My heart was so full of joy, love, and contentment.

But as the last days of summer dripped away like a melting ice cream cone, so did this joyous girl I once knew.

And now here I am, longing for more….but more of what? More adventures? More opportunities? More money? More clothes? I’ve discovered that none of that will do. In order to find that girl again, I must find less…less of me; less worry, less doubt, less discontentment, less anxiety, less criticism, less materialism, less control. It is when I find less of these things and more of Jesus that life falls into place according to HIS purpose instead of my own…and that is a beautiful thing.